Friday, August 13, 2010

Friday the 13th

Friday the 13th did not even have a completed ...Image via Wikipedia
What better way to celebrate today than take a look back at one of slasher horror's most enduring franchises? It's the Big Mac of the film business – cheap to make and cheaper to digest. Awful to the palate in general, but somehow always an option when you need to clog your mental arteries. Here's the story so far:

Friday the 13th ( 1980)
Mrs. Vorhees sets about knocking off horny teenagers because years ago her son Jason drowned. Because two Camp Chrystal counsellors were having sex instead of watching him. Kevin Bacon gets it in the chest. (Body count: 10)

Friday the 13th pt 2 (1981)
Jason is alive! And after killing Alice (who killed Mrs. Vorhees at the end of part 1), he decides to defend the camp from all and sundry. Five years later, cue (wait for it) a group of horny teenagers ready to die in inexplicably suspenseful ways. SH SH SH HA HA HA! (BC: 10)

Friday the 13th pt 3 (1982)
Jason heads to a farmstead, where he hides in a barn and counsels a number of hapless horny teens out of their misery. Significantly, he nicks a hockey mask off one of the kids, and a legend is born. Jason takes an axe to the cranium. (BC: 12)

Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984)
In a cunning twist, producers hint that this will be the last Jason movie ever. Jason has miraculously survived the axe to the head, as the unfortunate coroner would have testified had he survived the first ten minutes of the movie. Feeling homesick, Jason returns to Crystal Lake where – surprise! – a group of horny teenagers invades his space. Fed up, Jason seeks out the neighbours. Crispin Glover acts weird! Corey Feldman kills Jason! (BC: 14)

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